Hidden Geographies
by giantessmess
Summary: The aftermath of Charlotte's miscarriage leads Terri to uncover her true feelings for the Emergency Department doctor. Charlotte and Terri slash. If lesbian fic bothers you, don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **These characters are property of Southern Star Entertainment and Channel 7. No copyright infringement intended. No ownership claimed.  
**Notes:** This is an alternate Series 8, set from episode 301. It dips a little into the Beth plotline, but otherwise, it generally departs from the Series 8 timeline.

There's an expected time-period for this sort of thing.

After two years, 'sad' was ok. But only the sweet kind of sad. Like the kind you find inside the gift cards that come with flowers.

'Don't think about him.'

There were a lot of little tricks Terri played on herself. For one, she tried not to think of useless phrases. Horrible romantic ones, such as 'love of my life'. Pathetic. She'd have to stop herself. Love and death. It seemed perverse. They married last-minute, when his illness worsened. When they knew. Marriage before death. Like a sick little preparation for a bigger event. Also in formal wear.

'Don't think about Mitch.'

She let her mind wander to Charlotte, instead. It's all she seemed to do lately, given the current situation at the hospital. But the thoughts were just so vivid. Charlotte. How her lips had quivered, when she read out the eulogy. The way her eyes had traced Terri's face, the entire time she talked. That was the only moment that Terri had been aware of anything at all.

Why did these things kept happening to her? It would have been funny, if it wasn't so pathetically tragic. Heart surgery, right after her husband died? She was a walking metaphor for the sad and alone. Back from the dead. Just scraps of a person, really.

And Jack. Well. Jack had just been there.

As if that was any excuse.

She resisted the urge to think of words like 'Toyboy'. 'Fuckbuddy.' They were not words Terri Sullivan would ever use. But they described the situation far too well. She'd wanted to feel something for him. But it just wasn't there when she looked for it.

"She's at home."

Nelson had been the acting NUM on Emergency while Terri was away. It had only been a few months, really. But something in the atmosphere stuck in her throat.

"How was your time off?" He looked up at her from the files he'd been consulting.

"I could have stood longer," she said, trying to gage his expression.

Regina sat at admin, nodding sympathetically with Nelson. It was something Terri couldn't quite place. She tilted her head.

"Charlotte's not here?" Her voice was shakier than she'd intended.

Nelson sighed.

"Nelson?"

"She had a miscarriage, Terri."

Terri instinctively cradled her stomach.

He shrugged, powerlessly. "Doctors did all they could. They couldn't…… It was a hit and run. A few weeks ago. In the parking lot, just out there."

Her insides ached.

"I'm sorry," Nelson looked at her. "I was worried how you'd take it. I thought maybe…I thought she'd have told you."

Terri realised she was clutching her throat. She breathed.

"Now, why would she do that?"

"Terrible," Regina murmured. "Poor Charlotte. I can't imagine what she's feeling."

Regina's voice grated on Terri for some reason. As she was leaving, she brushed past Jack, barely allowing herself to take in his features. She already missed her time off.

She pulled her car up at Charlotte's house. The ED doctor appeared at the wire mesh door. Her face crumpled.

"Terri?"

The door opened, and Charlotte just fell into her arms, like her legs had given out from under her. Her eyes were glassy. She buried her face in Terri's neck, her breath hot. Terri was surprised at her own reaction. A swirl of pleasure in her lower stomach.

"She's dead," Charlotte murmured. Her voice was in pieces.

"I know."

Terri led her inside, navigating her towards the couch. Letting her cry, she caressed Charlotte's hair. It was matted from weeks alone in bed, bones mending. Staring at the walls, punishing herself.

"Shhhh, Charlotte. It's ok now. It's ok."

She was having trouble keeping her breaths even. Soon all the soothing phrases came out of her in a single, wordless tone.

It took her a few moments to locate the kettle. Charlotte was in the shower. Possibly changing out of her pyjamas for the first time since the accident. After she'd stopped crying, Charlotte had turned to her, a slight tweaking of her mouth marking the beginnings of a smile.

"Y'know, this is the first day in weeks, where I haven't totally felt like shit."

She leant back on the couch, bringing her face closer to Terri's. Terri smiled. Without knowing why, she stroked Charlotte's nose, then her cheeks, brushing tears away.

She'd grown to really like this woman, and their odd friendship, (some would say it was a miracle they were still friends, after all this). But she'd never spent a great deal of time at Charlotte's house. Just occasional visits. She used to come over for drinks. Vincent would always be there. The eternal ex-husband. Like a dog that would be loyal, long after you removed its collar. It had been a couple of years ago. They'd play cards, drink chardonnay, and not talk about Mitch.

More recently, she'd visited again with Jack as an accessory. Like an odd kind of double date. Terri with her not-boyfriend. Charlotte with her semi-girlfriend. They had downed a fair amount of wine, when Charlotte admitted she wanted to have a baby. She let it come out sounding half-humorous. Charlotte never liked things when they became too serious. Addy had frowned back at her. Terri noticed that Charlotte's girlfriend always seemed to be pulling some kind of face, like she was waiting for a particularly bitter punchline. Addy. What was her last name again? Terri wasn't sure she ever knew it. Addy didn't seem like the type that deserved to be around permanently. She made Terri's stomach twist. The same way indigestion did.

It was strange. On that night, Jack offered to help Charlotte.

"With a baby, I mean…"

Was he half-joking as well? Terri couldn't remember. But she'd gotten angry at him later, for just saying it, out of the blue.

When Jack admitted it to her, he'd looked like he was about to pass out. That Charlotte would even sleep with a man, after years of being a lesbian, was the first thing that had crossed Terri's mind. They were walking outside, it was a warm night. Jack's skin had gone all clammy. She resisted the urge to offer him a tissue. He stuttered that Charlotte was pregnant, clumsily adding that he was the father.

"It was an accident."

He looked at his hands. Like he was afraid she'd make a scene. Or leave, which she had, later. But only to avoid the sticky congestion of rumour, that Emergency had become. But Terri hadn't been jealous.

She concentrated on stirring the tea, evenly. She heard the water stop running, and the sound of a shower door sliding open.

Instead of imagining Charlotte stepping out of it, she quickly made herself think about Jack again. Jack and Charlotte. Charlotte. It made her stomach flutter unexpectedly. It was strange. Time has a way of playing tricks on you. Both on the same day- she broke it off with Jack. And Addy had left Charlotte. Terri realised with a start that she hated Addy. Which was strange, because she could hardly say she knew the woman. The shower door slid shut. Charlotte would be drying herself now. Tiny beads of water, covering her skin, goosebumps forming. Nipples hardening-

God.

Terri focussed on the tea again. Could tea ever be over-stirred? Her face felt hot. She closed her eyes.

"Is that one mine?"

Charlotte walked up behind her, blond hair wrapped in a towel. She was wearing jeans, and a top that showed how her breasts dipped and curved. Low cut. She often wore them to work, as if she was waiting for someone to tell her not to. Terri swallowed, and nodded.

"The one with milk."

Charlotte smiled, and reached for it, brushing Terri's arm. Terri's skin prickled.

"You don't take milk?"

"No, not usually. And I'm not partial to sugar."

Charlotte sipped her tea. "You're a tough one. I'm far more girly with my tea."

Terri just smiled.

"Having milk and sugar makes you girly?" she asked, wryly.

"And frilly tops," Charlotte nodded. "Pink ones."

She was drying her hair with the towel. The partially-dry strands spiked out over her eyes. Terri brushed them back with her fingers. Then pulled away, wondering at her own behaviour. Charlotte smiled, oblivious.

"I look like a wet dog, or something."

"Oh, you don't." Terri laughed. "What frilly tops? And you hardly ever wear pink"

Charlotte took a sip, and grinned. "How would you know? You an expert on my wardrobe?"

Terri's face burned. She looked into her teacup.

"I have a good memory for details."

Charlotte just nodded.

"You do. You're a fantastic NUM, Terri. You make the job look easy."

Terri sighed. A tired half-smile.

"Oh, well – I don't know about _that_."

"Trust me. Take a compliment." Charlotte put her hand over Terri's.

Terri's pulse quickened. She realised she was biting her lip. She hoped Charlotte hadn't noticed.

"Terri," Charlotte said, slowly. "Thanks for being here. For being such a good friend."

Charlotte was meeting her gaze directly. Terri's hand instinctively squeezed Charlotte's back. Perhaps a little too persistently. She let her fingers trace slowly over Charlotte's skin. They were still soft from the hot shower. She tried to keep her expression even.

"You're going to be ok, Charlotte."

She took a quiet breath, and pulled her hands away. A sinking feeling replaced the warm one. She knew what she was supposed to say.

"You really need to talk to Jack."

Charlotte looked tireder. "Terri, I-"

"You need to, sweetie. You need to talk about this with him."

Terri hated the way she always had to sound so practical.

"I don't know if I can." Charlotte's voice became rougher, she looked at Terri indirectly.

Terri persisted.

"It was his baby as well. You don't think he'll be hurting?" They felt like rehearsed lines.

She closed her eyes, suddenly needing to look away.

"You can get each other through this."

Charlotte nodded. Terri put her hand on her shoulder. But the warmth was gone. She quickly withdrew it, wondering what she thought she was doing.

Her house didn't smell right. Terri dropped her keys on the kitchen counter. And now Charlotte was going to talk to Jack. She sighed. She couldn't understand why she was thinking about this woman so much. All through her time off, she obsessed over the situation. Over Charlotte. She'd tried to imagine what Charlotte would look like, pregnant. That 'glow' people talk about. Would Charlotte 'glow'? What the hell did that mean, anyway? Did Terri glow with Mitch's baby? God. All she could remember was losing it. Maybe that was why she felt so connected to this woman. The reason she couldn't stop thinking about her. It was perfectly innocent. It was just Charlotte. Of course, Terri had always noticed her. Her eyes were so eerily blue, that Terri's heart would skip a little, if she hadn't expected on seeing her. She just was beautiful. Beautiful people did that to you.

She made herself wait till the next afternoon, before picking up the phone.

"Terri?"

She could hear Charlotte's voice, wavering on the line.

"Just checking that you're ok," Terri said, quickly.

"I'm doing alright," the small voice replied. "Mostly ok, at least."

"You talked to Jack?"

"Yeah, I did. I mean, I started to."

Terri's voice was becoming unreliable.

She stammered.

"Look, why don't you come over here tonight? I mean, well….I know you're still in recovery. But you sound like you need to get out of the house. I'm making lasagne."

God, that sounded stupid.

Her stomach twisted. She tried to imagine Charlotte's expression. Frowning. Smiling, or on the brink of a smirk. Her eyes flashing. Anything. God, she hated phones.

"That sounds wonderful," Charlotte replied. "I guess I could use an excuse to see the outside world."

She let out a breath, when she heard Charlotte's car pull up.

Charlotte was wearing a long red dress. Her cleavage exposed. Her legs bare, revealing themselves as she walked, through the split down the side. What kind of dress was this? Terri's knees were shaky. She looked away from Charlotte's breasts. Her stomach did a flip.

Shit.

She let out a breath slowly.

This wasn't happening.

She quickly considered her own outfit. Why had she dressed this way? A skirt, a singlet, showing off her back, as if she'd wanted Charlotte's hand to come up against her skin. Her insides felt exposed. Charlotte shrugged. Almost apologetically.

"Sorry, I went a little overboard. I just felt like I needed to dress up. Pretend I was celebrating something."

She looked like she might cry again. Please, not that. Terri took her by the hand, worried that she couldn't trust herself.

"Well, you look beautiful."

She almost couldn't breathe. It was like there was no filter between her mouth and her brain. Charlotte just smiled, as Terri led her inside.

"Thanks.

Terri tried unsuccessfully to read her expression. She remembered Charlotte's body close to hers, her face crumpled with tears. She fought the urge to reach out and touch her. Shocked at the way her thoughts were developing, she let Charlotte find her own seat in the lounge room.

This wasn't a date. Don't be ridiculous.

She headed to the kitchen, calling back, "Dinner's almost ready." This was too strange. She felt like a housewife. Checking on the oven didn't take as long as she wanted it too. When she emerged from the task, her stomach dipped again at the sight of her. Charlotte was leaning her face on her hand, a finger resting on her lips. Her eyes taking in her surroundings. God, those eyes. What could she be thinking about? Then she remembered. The baby. How could she forget? Terri smiled at Charlotte as she caught her eye, though she was careful not to call her _beautiful_ again.

"You have a gorgeous house"

Terri sat on the couch, taking hold of Charlotte's hands. Then quickly dropping them.

"I don't think you've been here too many times. You like the house more than me?"

Oh God, was she flirting?

Charlotte laughed, her eyes lighting up a little.

"Well, the added bonus is I get to hang around with you."

"Couldn't keep yourself away," Terri teased. She was. She was definitely flirting.

"No, well it was the house mostly. I admit. Not you."

"You're a house fetishist?"

"Shit, you've caught me out," Charlotte laughed, tilting her head back.

She was so beautiful when she smiled. Terri brought her face closer. Before she could think, she was leaning in, her lips meeting Charlotte's. She felt her body react as Charlotte kissed her back. Terri let her hands trace down Charlotte's back. She brushed her fingers lightly over Charlotte's breasts. Charlotte shivered, before pulling away. They were silent, looking at each other. Charlotte's eyes were wide.

"What…" she hesitated. Taking a breath, she swallowed. "What… just happened?"

Panic rushed through Terri. She stared at Charlotte, her heart racing. There was no logical way to respond.

"Terri?"

Terri wasn't sure if she was really breathing.

"God, Charlotte…."

Charlotte wasn't looking at her, her mouth gaped. Charlotte closed her eyes, and then opened them again.

"Where?…" An unsure smile. "I'm just….that was unexpected."

"But you…and the dress..." She was definitely babbling now.

Charlotte looked baffled.

"The dress? No, But I didn't mean….This is just a dress."

She was biting her lip. Her eyes were glassy. Terri suddenly remembered how short a time it had been, since Charlotte was discharged from hospital. She had to stand up. She closed her eyes, and wished to god she knew what she was doing. She didn't.

Charlotte was shaking her head.

"I don't understand… Terri, I…God. I mean I…"

"Don't. You don't have to," Terri's voice was small. Her face was turning unforgivingly red. She couldn't believe she was even having this conversation.

"Just stop."

"No. But I never imagined. I mean….not from _you_. I'm not…." She let out a shaky breath, like she was fighting the urge to cry. "God."

"Let's leave God out of this," Terri muttered, her sympathy thinning.

She realised she could smell something burning.

Charlotte met her eyes. "Shit. The lasagne?"

Terri's eyes grew wider. "What? No, oh God."

She ran into the kitchen. Smoke blew out, when she opened the oven. When she re-entered the livingroom, Charlotte was trying to repress a smile.

"It's scorched." Terri muttered. "You think it's funny?"

They ate a replacement dinner of toast, both sticking to safe topics. The weather. Work. They were careful not to touch on anything too controversial. Careful to sit further apart. Though, Charlotte had a certain expression, when she let her eyes rest on Terri. Terri tried hard not to analyse it. She tried not to focus on that little spot in her abdomen, that tugged with arousal at the thought of Charlotte's mouth exploring hers.

Stop this.

She brought up Jack. Safe Jack. Suddenly, she was so glad he existed.

"What did you say to him?"

Charlotte shrugged, letting her eyes wander uncomfortably.

"We just… talked. It's good, he understands. He's a sweet guy, really. It's just….it hurts a lot still. I don't…" She forced a pathetic smile. "I don't know how well I'm coping."

Terri realised she was staring too intently.

"I'm sorry either of you had to go through this."

Charlotte nodded. "Yeah, well. Me too."

Terri slid her plate to the floor, and sat back close to Charlotte. Their faces were almost touching. Before she could stop herself, she was kissing her, softly. Her hands gently holding Charlotte's face. She closed her eyes, quickly pulling away.

Charlotte was blinking back tears.

"Shit."

She was shivering. Terri started babbling again.

"No, god. I'm sorry, Charlotte." Her hands lingered on Charlottes face. Their eyes met briefly, and her stomach fluttered even more. Charlotte sat up.

"I can't." She was shaking. "Not now. I can't do this. I can't even go outside without… having some kind of…. freak out."

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

"I didn't mean to. Shit…. I didn't…" She breathed, bewilderedly. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Charlotte smiled, despite herself.

"Yeah? You definitely seem to." She turned up her lip, in that half-smile that made Terri crazy. Terri felt a little braver. She tried to laugh.

"I think it was your dress. I'm sure it hypnotised me, or something."

Maybe she could pretend it was a joke? Was it too late for that? Charlotte laughed, her breaths becoming less laboured.

"My fault, of course. Corrupting you into lesbianism, without even trying."

Terri's face fell. Charlotte hurriedly backtracked. "God, Terri- not that you're a lesbian. I was joking."

"No, I…" Terri shrugged it off. "I just didn't think. I mean, I'm not…." She hesitated, stumbling over her own voice.

"I'm not attracted…to women."

Charlotte was looking at her in an infuriatingly flirtatious way.

"Shit, well you could have fooled me."

"I'm serious…I don't know what this is…."

Terri felt her face go redder still. Her pulse raced as Charlotte took hold of her hand.

"Jesus, it's just a word, Terri," she said.

Terri took a breath. She couldn't meet Charlotte's eyes. She was afraid of what she might do. "It's late. We should probably call it a night."

She felt her skin go cold. Charlotte gave her a small look. Unsmiling, she shrugged.

"Sure."

She stood up.

"Charlotte?"

"I'm fine," Charlotte retrieved her bag, her coat. Her expression was unreadable.

Terri didn't look out the window, but listened to Charlotte walking up the path. She shuddered, as the car started.

Terri drove over in the afternoon. Thankfully, Charlotte answered the door in jeans and a T-shirt. Not that the sight of Charlotte in a dress had any real affect on her. She tried not to study the contours of Charlotte's breasts, through the fabric. Pushing her way inside, she looked around quickly. Good. Vincent wasn't there.

She took a breath, crossing her arms.

"I'm not a lesbian."

Charlotte blinked. "What?"

"Well, you seem to be feeling a lot better today?" Terri snapped.

Charlotte didn't offer her a seat. She narrowed her eyes.

"What are you so angry at me for? I'm not the one who made sexual advances on a co-worker last night."

She glared at Terri's look of shock. "Not that you'll bloody admit to them. Did I even invite you over?"

"I'm sorry." It came out sounding angrier than she'd intended. Terri calmed herself.

"I didn't mean to…take advantage of you."

"You kissed me." Charlotte was smiling slightly, even though she looked bewildered.

Terri glanced up. Unable to control her breathing. Was it hyperventilation? Maybe she was coming down with something.

"Terri?" Charlotte brought herself in closer, which only made things worse. She met Terri's gaze.

"I thought you were straight."

Terri felt panic rise inside her, as she realised the kind of conversation this was becoming. This wasn't how she imagined she'd spend her last days off, before her shifts started.

Her voice wavered.

"That's what I came here to tell you." She was losing her nerve.

"That you're straight?"

Terri closed her eyes. "No…" she bit her lip. "Yes…. I don't know.."

Charlotte began stroking Terri's face. The immediacy of her touch stunned her. Then Charlotte was kissing her. Softly to begin with, exploring Terri's mouth with her tongue. Harder, as the kiss deepened. Too aroused to feel shocked, Terri pulled her body closer. She fiercely kissed back, feeling herself grow increasingly hot. Charlotte was kissing her neck. Charlotte's hands on her breasts. She fought to keep up, afraid of losing this connection. They fell onto the couch. Roughly exploring each other. It felt like they were trying to tear each other to pieces. Not talking. Hands, lips, here, there. Terri felt the weight of Charlotte, her breasts, pressing against her. She let out an involuntary moan.

Charlotte was the one to pull away. Both of them were breathing heavily.

"Shit."

Terri's heart was racing. They stared at each other, in a rather uncomfortable silence. Unable to awkwardly apologise, or even remember which of them needed the 'sorry's to make everything ok.

Terri quickly pulled herself together, and left Charlotte. She was unable to process the shakiness in her breathing, the tremor in her body.

Both of them were back at work.

Throughout the week that passed, Terri stole looks at Charlotte. And her face coloured at the thought. She'd naively believed that whatever she'd been feeling would fade away, once she got back into routine. Like sunburn from a holiday. What was she, fifteen? Charlotte's fingers had left bruises on her breasts and shoulders. _Charlotte's lips_… Whatever it was, the way they'd blindly groped one another… well, there didn't seem to be much that was innocent about it. It was embarrassing to think about. But that's all Terri could do. Play the moment over and over in her head. She tried not ache for the woman working next to her. It was almost like Charlotte was trying to avoid her. Terri couldn't believe how much this hurt her. It made her feel increasingly odd about herself.

She pulled Charlotte aside, one morning. When there was a lull between emergency dramas.

"What's going on here?"

She watched Frank turn down the corridor. But Charlotte hadn't been listening, or was pretending not to notice the way she was biting her lip.

"For God's sake, why won't you even look at me?" Terri hissed. She paused. A patient was pushed past by an orderly. She didn't wait till they were out of sight.

"Charlotte," She said it more persistently, now. "Why can't you have a conversation like a normal human being?"

Charlotte twisted her lip downwards, her eyes revealing nothing.

"Not here."

Terri exhaled.

"Then in my office," she hissed sharply. "Now."

She tugged at Charlotte's sleave, quickly pulling her into the room. She shut the door. Charlotte raised her eyebrows.

"Will you please not do this, Terri?"

Terri shook her head, incredulous.

"Do what?" she let a bitter humour enter her voice. "Continue being attracted to you?"

She bit her lip, as Charlotte looked away. Her insides hurt.

"What is this? Do you think I'm doing this on purpose?"

Charlotte raised her eyebrows.

"Why aren't you freaked out?"

"Oh, you think I'm _no_t freaking out?"

"You just don't _look_ freaked out." Charlotte looked suspicious.

Terri glared at her.

"Well, what's freaked-out supposed to look like?" She laughed, despite herself. "Do you expect every woman you make-out with to run in the opposite direction?"

Charlotte let out an empty laugh.

"Seems the trend."

Terri wasn't even sure why she was pursuing this. She searched Charlotte's face, trying not to feel the buzz in her lower abdomen.

"I don't…" Charlotte searched for a word. "I don't want this. I can't. I'm not….I've given up."

"Do you know how you sound?" Terri hissed. "Given up on what? On life? Or just relationships?"

"What? Relationships?" Charlotte laughed, incredulous. "Aren't you getting ahead of yourself here? God, I'm not messing around with another bloody straight girl."

She grabbed hold of Charlotte's hands, and pulled her close.

"You think this is easy for me?"

She held Charlotte's face. God, she was beautiful. It seemed inconceivable that she was only noticing this now. She let her lips part Charlotte's, exploring her mouth fiercely with her tongue. Kissing down her neck. Lingering on her shoulder blade. Charlotte just pulled away, flustered. Clearly affected. This gave Terri an unexpected boost of confidence.

"God, Charlotte. Don't look as though you're surprised. Remember, you're the one avoiding me."

Charlotte eluded her gaze. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Well, what is _this_?"

"We have to get back to work."

She looked at Terri pleadingly.

"Let go."

Terri ran her hands through Charlotte's hair, and down her back. Beneath her shirt. Lightly, she caressed her skin. Charlotte shivered.

"Terri…don't."

"Please, can I see you tonight? I can't bear this. I…"

Charlotte narrowed her eyes, and disentangled herself from Terri's arms.

"Shit, Terri. What are you trying to do here? Look, I don't want to be your little sexuality experiment."

"My what?"

"Or whatever the hell it is you think you're doing. What do you expect me to say? There's nothing to talk about." Charlotte closed her eyes.

Terri suddenly wished she'd had a better think about what she wanted to say to this woman.

"You're unbelievable. Why are you doing this?" She couldn't stop her voice from wavering. She couldn't get Charlotte to look at her. She swallowed. She was not going to cry over this.

"You don't even know what you want, do you?"

"Well, I don't think you do."

"Oh, please. Give me some credit."

"I have to get back on the ward."

Terri let her go, glaring.

"Fine." Her tone was cold. "You know what- don't let me complicate your day." She shoved the door open with her foot. Charlotte didn't even pause as she pushed past.

Terri couldn't believe she'd allowed herself to get into this situation. It was ridiculous, lusting after her female colleague. They didn't even attempt to be civil to each other for the rest of the day. The few patients they worked together left them in fierce disagreement. The worst was Tracy Williams. Car accident. Not a terrible injury. But her behaviour was another matter entirely. Charlotte ignored all of Terri's recommendations. They closed the curtains, and Terri followed her. She pushed in front of her, stopping her from continuing her rounds.

"God, you're stubborn." she snapped.

"I'm stubborn? Shit, look at yourself, Terri. You build your bloody career on it."

"You're compromising this patient."

"Do you have a complaint about me, _Nurse Sullivan_? File it with Frank. I don't answer to you."

"Don't you now?" Her insides were boiling. Both of their voices were raised now.

"What the hell do you want me to say to you, Terri?"

"Get the psyche consult. God, you're bloody incompetent."

"That's nice and professional."

"Oh, because you're being so rational?"

Charlotte stormed off. Before Terri could catch her breath, she realised Frank was glaring at her.

Terri suddenly resented the fact that 'her' office was really Frank Campion's office. He marched in, and she followed. Resigned to a scene.

"You need to do a better job of separating your romantic life from your work life."

He sat at the desk, leaving her nothing to do but stand. His smug expression was all she could take.

"Excuse me?" she said, evenly. "My _romantic_ life has no place in this conversation. Don't you dare insinuate-"

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Terri," Frank growled. "You're sleeping with her."

Terri felt momentarily stunned.

"Don't be obscene, Frank." Her face was getting hot. "You're making baseless assumptions, purely driven on the fact that Charlotte and I have some professional disagreements-"

"You're biting each other's heads off. I don't want my emergency department falling to pieces."

Terri wrung her fingers. She glared at him, evenly. A slight smile on her lips.

"What is your issue, Frank? Is it because she's a colleague? Or because she also happens to be a woman?"

Frank snorted.

"Oh no- Don't even try to suggest that I have any problem with same-sex relationships." He gave her an irritated look.

"My issue, Sullivan, is my Emergency staff bringing their personal lives onto the ward. You and Charlotte can get a bloody room. It's unprofessional, and I won't stand for it."

Then he smirked. "And you seem to have a particular habit of doing this."

Terri seethed.

"Are you done?"

He smiled snidely, and gestured to the door.

"Oh, be my guest," he said smoothly. "Send Beaumont in."

She stormed out of the office, glaring at Charlotte on the way. Charlotte's face crinkled with concern. For some reason, this irritated her further.

"Frank wants to see you," Terri muttered.

Charlotte took her hand.

"What? Why?"

"Nothing gets past him."

Charlotte was waiting outside, after her shift ended. She gave Terri a tired smile.

"God, Frank's a condescending bastard."

Terri shrugged. "He gave you the talk?"

Charlotte imitated, "_Unprofessional behaviour, unbefitting a member of Emergency staff_. Who the hell does he think he is?"

Terri hugged herself.

"Surprising, he didn't seem at all shocked. At least he wasn't _trying_ to be horribly offensive."

"He's a pain in the arse," Charlotte shook her head. She let her eyes trace Terri's face.

"Look, I'm sorry I got all heated up about Mrs Williams. You were right."

Terri shrugged, feeling herself grow hot under Charlotte's gaze.

"No, I'm…I don't know what got into me. I guess I saw red or something. You would have picked it up, anyway."

Charlotte sighed. There was a hint of expectation lingering in the air. Terri felt herself melt at Charlotte's teasing smile.

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

They ended up at Charlotte's house. Before either of them could come up with a decent excuse for it, they were already kissing. On the telltale couch. The cushions collapsed, and the springs bit into Terri's back.

"I can't believe we're doing this again," she breathed. Her hands cupped Charlotte's face, as she kissed her again. She let her teeth graze Charlotte's lip. When did she become one of those people who had no self control? Was it somewhere between Mitch and Jack? Or was it always lurking there, waiting for something to loosen and break off?

"Do you want to stop?"

Terri let out a laugh, trying to disguise her nervousness. She tried not to think. She didn't feel sure about anything.

"Do you?"

Charlotte ran her tongue down Terri's shoulder blade, enjoying the sudden appearance of goosebumps. She slipped Terri's singlet over her head, revealing a black lace bra.

"Nice."

"The bra, or what's inside it?" Terri teased, uncertainly.

"Both."

"I've never really contemplated…." Terri felt a little stupid. "Well, _breasts_. It never really crossed my mind."

"Never?" Charlotte sounded disbelieving. Like she contemplated Terri's breast every day.

Terri couldn't help smiling, as Charlotte unhooked it without much effort. Her skin tingled as it touched the air. Suddenly, she only felt petrified. Charlotte's eyes fell on the bruises.

"My god. I'm so sorry." Her breathing was ragged. "I did that."

Terri was feeling incredibly strange. She forced a smile.

"We weren't exactly gentle…the last time we..." She couldn't find the words.

"Did I…hurt you?"

Having Charlotte gaze at her breasts was causing something to tug between her legs.

"No."

Her voice was thick with arousal. She brushed some of Charlotte's hair away, revealing a fading bruise on her neck. A larger one on her shoulder. This was too much.

"God." She looked at Charlotte, shaking her head. "I'm not usually… like this."

"You don't usually ravage your co-workers?'

Terri gave her a look.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"We don't have to do this," Charlotte said, softly. But as she did, she leant in, lightly kissing the bruises she'd caused. Terri's heart seemed to fly into her throat and back again.

"Kissing them better?" she gasped.

"Did it work?"

Terri softly kissed Charlotte's neck. The sore shoulder, lightly tracing the damage she'd caused.

"You taste salty," she said, smiling a little at her own comment. Charlotte shook her head, as if the sight of Terri, sprawled half-naked beside her was a little too hard to process.

"Terri, you don't want-"

"You don't know what I want."

Charlotte got a beautiful little line in her forehead, when she was surprised. Terri brought their bodies closer, kissing her passionately. She gasped as Charlotte began caressing her breasts. Slowly, Charlotte ran her tongue over the outside of her nipple. Then her other breast. Lolling her tongue over and over, in a circular motion.

"Shit, Charlotte.."

"Oh, you like this?" Charlotte teased.

She began kissing down Terri's stomach. Grazing her teeth lightly, and nipping along her waist. Setting off nerve endings that shot straight to the pit of Terri's stomach. Her hands began caressing the insides of Terri's thighs. Terri couldn't stand the tension.

"Oh, fuck."

Charlotte laughed, breathing out warm air on Terri's skin.

"I love that I can make you swear, Terri."

Terri gaped at her, smiling in slight disbelief at the way her body was reacting to this.

"God…you can do more than…that…Oh…" She gasped. "…Shit".

Charlotte had slipped off her underwear. She felt herself grow wetter, as Charlotte brushed her fingers over her, finding all the right places to tease her, with light touches. She stroked, in a circling motion, over and over. Her touch becoming gradually more intense. Terri arched her back, thrusting herself into Charlotte. Then Charlotte slid two fingers inside her. Then three. Terri realised she was moaning.

"Are you ok?" Charlotte sounded a little anxious, "Just tell me if you…"

"I'll tell you…" Terri managed to gasp. She felt herself buckle against the movement of Charlotte's hand.

Charlotte's body tensed, as the phone rang. They both paused, breathing heavily. As if someone was suddenly in the room with them. Charlotte looked up at her.

"Let it ring," Terri breathed. The noise was adding tension to the air.

"No," Charlotte pulled away. "It's probably Vincent."

"_What_?"

"I'm sorry."

Terri knew he'd been watching over Charlotte, since she'd lost the baby. She began to pull her clothes back on, awkwardly. Feeling a little embarrassed. She became suddenly aware of the reality of the situation. This was Charlotte. God, where were the rest of her clothes? How had this woman managed to reduce her to nakedness without her noticing or caring? She was shaking still, with arousal. Charlotte picked up the shuddering receiver. Terri strained her ears.

"Yeah…." Charlotte's breathing hadn't steadied. "Vin. What? I guess we're still on for dinner…."

Vincent. God. Terri was still trying gather her wits together. Charlotte was always slightly flirtatious with her ex-husband.

"Well, I don't care if you think I sound tired."

She paused as she listened, her gaze resting on Terri, who had still not managed to locate her bra.

"Yes." She grinned. "No, she's here actually."

Terri felt her face go red.

Maybe it was the irritation if being interrupted. Maybe she really didn't know herself at all. She pulled Charlotte's body against hers, feeling her breasts against the warmth of Charlotte's back. She kissed her shoulder. Charlotte shivered as Terri's lips brushed over her neck, roughly, letting her tongue explore her skin. She brought her lips to Charlotte's ear, and whispered.

"Tell him I say hi."

Charlotte let out a laugh that was more like a gasp. Terri idly wondered what other noises she could coax out of this woman. She heard a sound from the receiver.

"No Vin, I'm fine." Charlotte's voice came out husky. She gave Terri a mock glare, before letting the phone drop.

She returned Terri's kiss, her lips parted for Terri's tongue. Terri had already unhooked Charlotte's bra, after a little bit of fumbling. For a second, she felt a like the breath had been knocked out of her. Charlotte's breasts. She brought her hands tentatively up against them. The reality of them. The fact that touching them was causing all sorts of things to happen to her own body. She let her mouth tentatively close over one of Charlotte's nipples, feeling it grow hard, beneath the strokes of her tongue. Charlotte tried to steady her breathing. She fumbled for the receiver.

"Shit."

Terri pulled back, feeling amused at herself. She handed Charlotte the phone, with a crooked smile. Unable to locate her own, she pulled Charlotte's shirt over her head, content to find the rest of her clothing later.

"No…yeah. I'm, um, still here, Vincent." Charlotte was slurring her words.

Terri headed for the door, laughing at Charlotte's expression.

"Go to dinner, ok?" She shook her head. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

They smiled awkwardly at each other, all through the working day. And without too much discussion, they went for lunch together. Charlotte chose the place. It was a nice distance from the hospital. Anything to limit the possibility of running into a colleague. For a few minutes, they didn't have anything to say to each other. The waiter came and took their orders. Terri fumbled with her serviette. She tried to judge Charlotte's expression.

"What are we supposed to do now?" she said, watching the waiter dart to the next table.

"I have no idea," Charlotte tilted her head. "What the hell are we doing, Terri?"

Terri shrugged. "This isn't something I ever planned…."

Then she gave Charlotte a sly look.

"God, you're gorgeous. Do you know that?"

"Shit," Charlotte laughed, looking mildly shocked. "You've never…. This isn't something….I mean…You're _straight_."

"Yeah, well," Terri gestured at the air, feeling strange. "There goes that theory."

"Are you…"

"What?"

"I dunno. Are you… I mean, I know we're obviously…compatible."

Terri smiled, at the euphemism.

"Does it worry you -the fact that I find you absolutely sexy?"

Charlotte shook her head.

"_Sexy_?...I mean…"

"We slept together, didn't we?"

"Shit." Charlotte smiled, slightly, running a hand over her face. "My god, Terri. This isn't the type of thing I'd expect from a former nun."

Terri let herself smile into her coffee. She'd known that would be brought up at some point.

"Charlotte." It was a name that rolled off the tongue so sensuously. "I recall you saying once that…what was it? _All nuns are frustrated lesbians_'?"

She had no idea of the truth in the statement. But she didn't much care, at this point. She let her tongue trace over her lips briefly, as she smiled. She'd taken hold of Charlotte's hand, and was lightly stroking her fingers. She'd never tried to seduce a woman before. Charlotte let out a short laugh, her face colouring.

"I can't believe you remember that." She looked at Terri, her expression uncertain at the signals she was receiving. "And you were right next to me at the time. God. Nightmare. How was I to know?- I turn around and you're just glaring."

"Was I glaring?"

"You looked so pissed."

"What….did you have a crush on me?"

Charlotte's voice faltered, and then she raised her eyebrows.

"No-no." She let out a little embarrassed laugh. "That came later."

Terri shrugged.

"Well, I still have Faith, Charlotte. You should know that."

She pulled at the chain around her neck. The silver cross she wore every day. Like a protector, that leered up at anyone who dared look at her body too closely.

Charlotte muttered. "Forgive me if I'm not the biggest fan of the church."

Terri rolled her eyes.

"Why? You know, there are lesbians who manage to be Christians as well."

Charlotte shot her a strange look. Terri liked seeing her squirm. It made her even more attractive. Jesus. She couldn't believe how much she wanted this woman right now. She tried to keep her voice from stammering.

"Charlotte, this shouldn't be an issue with…well, whatever it is we're…"

She couldn't come up with a way to finish the sentence.

"I mean, just because I'm religious, it doesn't mean I agree with all the political views of the religious establishment." She paused, giving Charlotte a prolonged flirtatious glance. "I guess that's pretty obvious."

Charlotte was smiling, like she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing.

"Shit, y'know, I really can't imagine you as a nun."

Terri noticed Charlotte's breathing was ragged. Her hand was still tracing Charlotte's skin. She shrugged, and kissed Charlotte's cheek softly, forgetting for a moment that they were in such a public place. Charlotte looked like someone had just handed her a firecracker.

"Well, beautiful," she enjoyed Charlotte's expression at her very obviously uttered term of endearment. "You didn't know me then. I was a different person."

"No kidding?" Charlotte chuckled, softly. "I can't imagine…I mean, especially after yesterday…."

She let her hand stroke Terri's cheek. "It's hard…for me to see it."

Terri's closed her eyes, at the touch. "I was just…. so afraid of everything. You know?"

Charlotte nodded, unable to suppress a smile.

"Where the hell have you been hiding yourself, Terri?"

Whatever the arrangement was, they seemed to agree on the terms fairly quickly. They started discreetly meeting each other after work. Staying late in restaurants. Occasionally slipping up, and arriving at work in the same car. No one seemed to notice but Frank. And he just shook his head and smiled. Still, Charlotte decided they needed to be more discreet.

"Because we really need all those idiots gossiping about us, don't we?"

_Those idiots _being work colleagues. She wondered if Charlotte was thinking about all the gossip that had surrounded the both of them, over Jack and the baby. Terri was beyond caring what rubbish managed to find its way around about her, anymore. As far as she was concerned, there would always be gossip, regardless of what or who you did. But she knew this was different. No matter how many times she tried to tell herself it wasn't. She was sleeping with a female co-worker. It wouldn't be taken the same way, as Jack or Mitch.

Still, she was trying not to think too far ahead at this point. As long as they could occasionally meet in her office, and steal a kiss between patients. Push Charlotte up against the closed door, and kiss her all the way down her neck. Fumbling with each other's bras. It was amazing, how quickly she learned to unhook another woman's bra. How her skin fired up, at the hint of Charlotte's touch. Frank managed to be absent on these occasions. Terri wondered how he knew to be.

She'd never gone to a lesbian bar, before she began seeing Charlotte. And for some odd reason, she'd gotten the impression that Charlotte rarely went to them herself. Because she did the rosters- she knew when Charlotte took her nights off. And she'd always seen her at Cougars, or any number of straight bars or pubs, where she stayed close to Vincent Hughes. Probably to rid herself of unwanted male attention. Terri had never heard Charlotte talk of having any gay friends. And after she started sleeping with her, she knew for a fact that she hadn't any. Charlotte was bewildering. What, did she talk to _Vincent_ about everything?

Terri decided she needed to gently coax Charlotte into having some kind of social life. She'd been the one to suggest the bars, more than anything else, she was curious. It frightened her, a little. It was like a whole world she'd never considered visiting. And Sydney did have a nice gay scene, she'd discovered, after doing a bit of research. She turned up at Charlotte's house, with a pile of books on the subject. Charlotte always managed to look surprised, when she did something like that. Terri was always causing those kinds of expressions. As if she expected this poor clueless straight girl didn't have the capacity to use an online book catalogue.

"You can't be serious?"

"What? I'm bloody serious. Why don't you want to show me off?"

But they never really did go anywhere. Restaurants, home, work. Lather, rinse and repeat.

Charlotte always looked at her, as if she wasn't entirely sure if Terri didn't have some hidden agenda. Waiting for a light to snap on, a million people yelling 'surprise.' The trouble was that Terri had no idea of what she was doing. So she put on a façade, and pretended she did. When she met Charlotte's quizzical look, she shrugged.

"I want somewhere I can kiss you in public."

Smiling, she'd draw a long kiss out of the breathless doctor. Tugging at the buttons of her shirt. Her lips brushing against Charlotte's stomach.

Sex with Charlotte wasn't like anything she was used to. But then, Terri knew a person could get used to almost anything, if they wanted it enough. And shit, she wanted Charlotte. She learnt that she liked the intricacies of this woman. It surprised her, how much. That little spot, on her waist that made her shiver. The birthmark near her pelvis that was so sweet to kiss. She enjoyed seeing her face contort in pleasure, her body buckle. She loved the softness inside her. It was so much like a well-kept secret, when she felt Charlotte moan beneath her touch. But it had been slightly awkward to start with. Making love to Charlotte, instead of the other way around. She was more worried that she'd do something stupid. Touch her in the wrong way. Break her, or maybe just fumble like an idiot. She thought perhaps she'd freeze or panic, when Charlotte slipped off her last piece of clothing. But Charlotte didn't have to sound too much like a text-book of body parts, the first time. Still, Terri fell over her own questions.

"Is this…I mean, is it _ok_?"

"Holy _shit_… Terri…"

Charlotte would gasp, or murmur, or nod. And give her little street-sign directions. Like Terri was mapping a new territory with her tongue. Lips here. Hand there. Yes, there.

"Oh… fuck. How did you learn to kiss like that?"

They hadn't exactly taken it slow. Whatever this was – _a relationship? Was that it?_ - it was anything but platonic. Terri didn't have to wonder what her mother would think of this one. Her mother – a woman who had still managed to disapprove of Mitch Stephens. Mr Amazing doctor. There were so many ways to _live in sin_, and Terri had decided to just stop counting.

Sometimes she still found the attraction baffling. This woman she'd known for years. This _woman_, who now made her tremble with pleasure. Just thinking of Charlotte made her blush. This woman who held her close. Who whispered to her, when she woke up at night shaking, thinking of Mitch. On more nights than she cared to remember. You can't erase a person from your subconscious. Even if you want to.

It made her wonder who Charlotte dreamed of, instead of her.

After a few months had gone past, Terri felt her mind wander at the reality of it. How many months have to line up together, before it can't be called anything but a relationship?

It was odd, seeing her at work. Like viewing a landscape through a new filter. Everything was Charlotte, now. Where she was, where she wasn't. Not being able to glance at her in a certain way. They kept their smiles friendly, or tried to. When they weren't sneaking away to a more private place, they kept their physical contact limited to hands 'accidentally' touching, accidentally brushing against each other. A couple of times, Charlotte had made Terri laugh out loud, by making some obscure reference to one of their nights together. Lesbian sex jokes. (God. Was she a lesbian? Was that it?). Bewildered expressions all around. But mostly, they tried to keep out of each other's way. Terri certainly didn't trust herself around Charlotte. Von had already picked up that she was seeing somebody. She felt stupid denying something so obvious.

"You're smiling a lot these days." Von raised her eyebrows. "I hope I'm going to meet him soon."

Terri pretended to be surprised.

"Who? Von, what makes you think that?"

If it wasn't a relationship, then what was it? What was she doing with this woman? If it was just meaningless sex. Like Jack (Yes, that's all Jack was). Then why couldn't she stop imagining little stories about them? Future selves. Mrs and Mrs. Terri tried not to kid herself, she was crazy about this woman. It was terrifying. She might even be in love with her. She was terrible at pretending. She'd never really been the best at keeping her eyes away from Charlotte. How long can you desire a person, without realising it? Does that make you stupid?

Mitch- _even Mitch_ had picked something up, before she had a bloody clue. Charlotte had been working on Ward 17 for six months or so. At least long enough so Terri had known her to be a lesbian, (not that she'd reflected on that fact too much). It was somewhere between being driven mad by Mitch's ex-wife, and his attempts at a detox clinic at the hospital. There'd been a few quiet moments, when he'd come up behind her, and catch her gazing at Charlotte. Just gazing.

"Should I be worried, Sullivan?"

He grinned, when he registered her shocked expression.

"Though I'll admit- Beaumont does have something about her…"

Terri raised her eyebrows. "I think I'm the one that should be concerned."

"Hardly," Mitch continued, still teasing. "Honestly, though. It's quite a trick, the way your expression changes when she enters a room."

Terri laughed, uncomfortably.

"Be serious."

It was the same, before she reunited with Mitch. She'd managed to choke back her attraction to him. As if you have any kind of choice in who you want.

It was worse, now that she was aware of it. Her 'gayness'. God. Whatever you wanted to call it, it all added up to the same thing in the end. She was terrible at lowering her gaze, when Charlotte brushed past her, (she didn't want to lower her gaze). She wondered how many other people knew, before she did. Who knew now, but wouldn't say anything. It's hard to imagine that your desires can be so obvious to everyone but you.

The letters started coming about a year ago. Terri had gotten a few on and off from Bron, after Mitch's funeral. But these were different. Bron. That woman needed to be taught as a history subject. She used to be Bronwyn Craig, the nurse. But she'd gone through a few transitions. Paramedic. Part-time nurse. Then only nursing. And later she bent herself into the shape of Bronwyn Craig-Markham.

The repentant wife.

Somewhere between all this, she was Charlotte's friend. But even Terri had noticed the way Charlotte looked at her. When Bron entered the room, her face shifted. A failed attempt at a steady expression. Maybe the change was too subtle for Bron to pick up, early on. But Terri could only guess that she was deluding herself.

Of course Terri knew Charlotte had been in love with her. But she wasn't certain exactly, of what had happened between the two of them. She only knew that Charlotte never seemed to talk of her. Usually, when your best friend (or one-true-love), moves out of town, you feel the weight of her absence. Anecdotes come to mind. Stupid or funny or sweet things they used to say. Charlotte said nothing.

Bron's letters had started in an awkward way. Her handwriting didn't even look the same. It was like she'd written and re-written the contents over and over. At the time, Terri had hardly been in the place to give good advice. At that point, she was scarcely an objective person. Her husband was dead. Only a year. In a few months, she'd start sleeping with Jack. A year later, it would be Charlotte.

They wrote back and forth for a little while. Bron seemed a mess. After one particularly depressing letter, Terri had enough of the evasion. She picked up the phone.

Bron sounded surprised on the other end of the line. But also relieved.

"Terri. God, it's good to hear a familiar voice."

"How are you holding up?"

She could hear Bron exhale.

"He hates me. I've completely ruined his life."

Terri softened her tone.

"I'm sure Ben will forgive you, eventually."

"He's left half his stuff." Bron's voice was shaking. She started to babble. "I know he's still going to work and all, but how is he changing clothes? He won't even come back for them. How can he not want his clothes?"

"Bron. You don't need to destroy yourself over this. It wouldn't have been fair to him, if you stayed."

"I know." She was crying. "I know I've done the right thing."

But still, she cried. Terri felt helpless.

"Have you thought about where you're going to go?"

Bron sobbed. "I can't come back to Sydney. I can't face her."

Terri sighed.

"You were in love with Charlotte?"

Bron hesitated.

"Does that shock you?" She sounded defensive.

"What? No." Terri stammered. Even though she was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

"Anyway," Bron was sounding bitter. "It doesn't matter now."

"You left Ben for her." It wasn't a question.

Bron took a deep, shaky breath

"I shouldn't be allowed near people. Look at what I do to them. Look at how I messed Ben around."

"And as far as I can recall, he messed you around back," Terri interjected. But Bron wasn't listening.

"Haven't I hurt her enough? What kind of person am I? Someone who just turns around and marries. Just because it's safe, and he's just there."

Terri sighed.

"Don't do this to yourself, Bron. Don't talk yourself out of this."

"Have you ever slept with another woman, Terri?"

Terri's face turned crimson.

"Or have you ever wanted to?" Bron continued.

"What? Wait….this isn't about me."

"Calm down. Don't get all defensive."

"And I'm straight," Terri stated, feeling her skin go sticky.

"Yeah, well that's my bloody point. So was I. Tells you what kind of good labels do. The excuses you make. Look how stupid I got over semantics." Her voice became rougher.

"What did Charlotte do to deserve someone like me?"

"You should call her."

Bron let out a sharp laugh.

"And say what? She's probably forgotten about me."

"_Forgotten_ about you? Bron, do you want me to talk to her?"

Bron sighed. "Terri, I appreciate how much you've done for me. But please don't tell her. Please don't."

Terri's voice sharpened. "You want me to lie to her?"

"Just don't say anything."

They continued writing, on and off. That first interaction on the phone line unsettled Terri, for reasons she couldn't pin-point. Letters were safer. They followed a pattern. Terri arguing. Bron remaining stubborn, changing topics. She'd ask Terri about how it was, shifting from Ward 17 to the Emergency Department. Was Frank still a pain in the arse? And that new resident. Jack Quade? How were things going with that? Ingredients of Terri's life, rather than her own. She wouldn't come to Sydney. The letters started arriving with a Melbourne address, scrawled on the back. She wrote about the new hospital. The new set of staff. Patients, and work problems. But nothing about a certain doctor at All Saints Western General. Unless it was to argue back, at something Terri had said. Eventually Terri just let it go. Anyway, she had become increasingly awkward, when it came to the subject of Charlotte Beaumont.

They always spent more of their time at Charlotte's house on Sundays. Weekends were like an alternate reality, where neither of them were liars - to themselves, to everyone else. Charlotte liked pretending their lives could be judged, only on the way they existed for those two days. But there were always signs of the real world to wreck her little mindfuck.

"Do you always have to bring so much work home?"

Charlotte was learning out the back door, staring over the balcony. It was one of those warm autumn evenings. The kind that drove her dogs crazy. They knew there was something strange about the way summer was extending like this.

"Terri?" She called back inside.

Terri was probably at the kitchen table, muttering at the disordered papers in front of her. Bloody paperwork. She decided to pretend that she wasn't being completely ignored.

"God, can you believe how warm it is?"

She felt arms come up around her waist. She tilted her head, and saw Terri, rolling her eyes. Her glasses were tangled in her dark hair.

"Maybe it's a sign." Terri kissed her neck.

"Sure. The apocalypse."

"No," Terri shook her head. "That your dogs need a walk."

Charlotte pulled away, letting out a laugh.

"You wanna get rid of me? You ever going to be done with those rosters?" She trailed her fingers down Terri's back. "At least the weather forces you to wear these hot little singlets."

Terri tried unsuccessfully to resist Charlotte's expression. She drew her in for a kiss, laughing into it. Charlotte's arms were wrapped around her.

"See, this is why you need to get lost for a while. You're too…distracting."

"Am I, now?"

Terri rolled her eyes, and brushed some hair out her face.

"Don't." She couldn't help smiling.

She looked out at the light stretching down, as the sun shrank past the buildings.

"You know, we should go for a swim. Go somewhere. Before the winter finally dribbles in."

At her comment, Charlotte laughed hot breath onto her neck.

"What? I like swimming."

"Sure, Terri. I bet I can imagine what you're thinking."

"I wasn't, actually. You have a dirty mind," Terri lied. The idea of Charlotte, and water and…well, swimming. Some hidden inlet. Slipping off her bathers. It wasn't a bad thought.

"Uh-huh," Charlotte said, disbelieving. "You, a total prude? Then who was that, last night? I can't imagine where you learnt _that_ from."

Terri's skin felt hot.

"Go. Walk," She laughed, even as she kissed Charlotte. "How am I ever going to get any work done around you?"

Charlotte grinned, walking down the stairs to where the dogs were gazing sadly, through the gates.

"Cricket – hey! – come on. Let's go. I've been shunned for paperwork."

Terri laughed, watching her.

"Hey," She called after her. "Milk! You always forget-"

Charlotte waved an acknowledgement. "Yeah-yeah. Milk. Got it."

Charlotte would manage to forget she'd been asked. Terri was certain of it. She could be irritatingly passive-aggressive like that. Initially, she'd welcomed the way their relationship had been allowed to go its course, without having everyone breathing down her neck about pointless things like _gender_. At the time, she preferred to push that side of it out of her mind. She wouldn't have coped with it. People tilting their heads, eager to turn her into a human pin cushion by sticking lots of fun little labels into her. But Charlotte…she was just Charlotte. In the end, she was simply the person Terri adored. This amazing, stubborn, beautiful woman Terri had fallen in love with. Prematurely in love, like a teenager. She was embarrassed to say the words, afraid of hearing nothing but her stupid heart break. She wasn't an idiot. Charlotte probably didn't love her, just like Terri hadn't loved Jack.

Stubborn. Charlotte always forgot certain things. Apart from the simplest household items like bread and butter, she forgot the way Terri's eyes pleaded with her.

"We should _go_ somewhere. _Do_ something."

Public displays of affection weren't Charlotte's strong point. Unless Terri managed to get some alcohol into her. Terri had seen the way Charlotte had been with Addy. Even with Bron. She didn't seem like the type of person who cared what people thought of her. But she was so careful with Terri, as if she were breakable. Charlotte wouldn't want to go to some beach with her. She wouldn't want to kiss her, in the middle of a busy restaurant. To tell everyone at work to go screw themselves. Who really cared, anyway? And _Terri_ was meant to be the latent lesbian? Please.

Charlotte didn't love her. And Terri almost didn't care. She didn't have the self-control to imagine breaking things off with her. She knew she should be better at self-preservation by now.

Terri turned to Von, during their shift together. She hesitated, watching Von's expression carefully. Then she sighed, and turned back to her patient. But she'd been dreaming off again. Jack had already gone on to the next bed. The next illness. She closed her eyes, wondering what she missed in the consultation. Had she come across as entirely insane? Jack usually just pretended everything was 'normal' anyway. Truly. If she'd gone and hung herself with his stethoscope, he'd probably only blink a couple of times, and then blather on about the patient's medical history. And she really didn't blame him.

God, she wished she could snap out of whatever this was. This mess in her head.

Charlotte had the night off. Another dinner with her ex-husband. _Another one._ Teri wasn't even free that night, but she felt snubbed, regardless. It was like a special club she wasn't invited to. Charlotte and her Ex. Von looked up, as Terri spoke.

"Von, do you remember… you asked if I was seeing someone?"

Von turned to her, a half-smile on her face.

"Well, it's about bloody time. " She hooked the patient's chart back onto the bed in front of them.

"Who is he?"

Terri winced at the pronoun. They were headed through the door of the break room when she mumbled,

"No...it's a she…actually."

She took her dinner out of the fridge, and turned to see Von's bemused expression. Terri sighed, and put the plastic container of soup in the microwave, her fingers shook a little and she pressed the buttons.

"Say something, Von."

"Well I'll be damned…."

"Yeah, I know." Terri couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Von raised her eyebrows. "You're certainly full of surprises."

Terri scolded her, "Von." She looked up at her, hesitantly. "You're not… You're ok with this?" She closed her eyes. "It wasn't obvious?"

Then a look of appreciation spread across Von's face. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

"It isn't Charlotte, is it?"

Terri almost dropped her cutlery.

"How in the…"

Von smiled wider. "You've always...well-"

"What?"

"It's the way you look at her."

Von shrugged, retrieving her curry from the fridge. The microwave beeped.

"Your dinner-"

"How do I look at her?"

Von smiled, slightly. "Are you in love with her?"

Terri let out a laugh, closing her eyes. "Oh my God. I'm that obvious?"

Von just chuckled, and shrugged, spooning the curry onto a plate.

Two years ago, Vincent appeared at the hospital. Not like a ghost rattling chains. Not even as Vincent, really. _Dr Hughes._

Charlotte used to imagine what would happen, when he came back from overseas. How she'd act if they bumped into each other on the street. But she never thought they'd have to work together. Imagine the confusion, if she'd been the type to take her husbands last name. Dr Hughes and Dr Hughes. Both haunting Ward 17. But he was back. Charlotte didn't even care when he began to act all possessive again. He was a reminder that she didn't always end up with people who treated her like crap. (Maybe she had a sign stuck to her back? 'Use me' scribbled in black marker.) He had perfect timing. With Bron gone, well… She hadn't let too many people get close to her.

Jesus. Could you blame her, after that?

But in the past year, they'd gotten a little distant. Vincent brought out that secretive side of himself again. Charlotte put that down to Grace Marks. Grace had been doing her residency in Emergency. Then for no good reason, she just died. Life can be so damn twisted. The circumstances involved Vincent. He began to show cracks. It was _love_, probably. Poor bastard. He always did give his heart to women who would rip the shit out of it. He refused to talk about it, but Charlotte had always thought herself a bit of a detective, when it came to him.

Still, it wasn't always that easy. You can work with a person, and see nothing but a professional shell. And boy, did that suck. She was glad she'd seen a bit more of him, in the past few months. Even though he still acted like someone had carved him open with his own surgical tools.

Terri kept making it difficult. She always acted like she was puzzled by their friendship.

"It's just, well… what do you have to _talk_ about?"

"Oh, _work._ What do you think?"

"Do you have to be so defensive?"

"I've known him since for-bloody-ever. You'd think we'd be able to make conversation."

Charlotte wasn't sure if it was jealousy, or something else. But she didn't flatter herself. She couldn't imagine Terri being jealous, over her.

With Vincent, it was basically dinner, every once in a while. She did like seeing him, though he wasn't exactly a laugh to be around. Sometimes dinner with him was like sitting through all of Shakespeare's tragedies at once. It bothered her. Charlotte was a firm believer in love's ability to fuck you over. But she couldn't help thinking it was something other than Grace.

He picked the restaurant this time. An Italian place she'd never been to, in an inner-city suburb. Of course he was late. Charlotte drank two glasses of house red, and devoured all the complimentary bread.

Nerves.

She was never usually nervous around Vincent. She loved him in that annoying-older-brother way. It always made people suspicious, like she was dangerously close to jumping his bones. _Jesus_, all she did was smile at the guy, and deal with his shit. Maybe those nurse clones were a little too dim to grasp the concept of _Friendship_.

The morons liked to conveniently forget she was a lesbian. The fact that they rarely saw her with a woman made it too easy on them. And of course, no one but Frank knew about Terri Sullivan.

Charlotte absentmindedly picked at the crumbs in the breadbasket.

This was it. She was damn sick of hiding from Vincent. Him, of all people. It was impossible, dabbing all that make-up over those telltale signs. On her neck, her shoulders. Wearing a higher-cut top occasionally. She hated rubbing away evidence of Terri's lips. She hated concealing why she'd been grinning like an idiot for the past three or so months.

Terri didn't know she was telling him. Charlotte was forever terrified of doing something that would freak her out. Scare her away. Oddly, she hadn't managed to screw it up yet. But with her track record, she felt like it was almost inevitable. Honestly, it was like she deliberately chose women who were fabulous kissers, but who shuddered at the reality of the relationship. What century did they think they were living in, anyway? She tried not to think of Liz. She never liked letting her mind wander over things she had no control over.

And Bron.

It was best not to think about. Married women were not the cleverest people to fall in love with. Anyway, Terri was different. At least, for the time being, Terri was all hers.

She checked her watch again, and her stomach contorted. Telling Vincent about Terri was like coming out to him all over again.

Finally, he made his way through the cluttered arrangement of tables and customers. He'd gotten into the habit of forgetting to shave in the morning. She took a breath, at his slightly rumpled clothes. The way he didn't seem to care which way his hair stuck out. He slumped into the chair across from her, and made a pathetic attempt at a smile.

"Vincent…." She swallowed. "You look like shit," she tried not to let the worry affect her voice.

"Nice to see you too."

"Oh Vinnie, don't do that." She searched his face. "Come on. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he said, without meeting her eye.

"Shit, you sound like death or something."

"Good to know."

"Well, something's obviously bothering you."

"Nothing, Charlotte," he looked irritated. "Just drop it."

"Great. Fine." She sighed, signalling the waiter to finally come. She tried to stare him down.

"I don't understand you at all at the moment. Do I?"

They ate in silence.

The ravioli was undercooked, and the sauce was sour in Charlotte's mouth.

She couldn't help thinking about what she'd be eating, if she'd stayed in with Terri that night. The lasagne, maybe? It had tasted beautiful when it wasn't burnt. Or maybe some takeaway Chinese, both of them curled up on Terri's couch, watching a DVD. She'd recently introduced Terri to _Tipping the Velvet._ And now Terri was constantly asking Charlotte to come around

"…With another, um…lesbian-themed movie…"

You'd think she'd go into research-mode there as well. Terri being coy was becoming a bit of a rare occurrence at this point. So the sweet, awkward way she stumbled over asking made Charlotte smile.

She realised she was smiling, as she sat at the table. Vincent shrugged and looked at her.

"Is it something about work?"

"What?"

"This thing. Is it something about your training position? It's good news, right?"

Charlotte stopped pushing her uneaten food around her plate, realising she couldn't avoid it forever. Yeah, it'd be nice to tell him when he was in a more pleasant mood. But who knew if that was ever going to happen?

"I'm seeing someone."

Vincent smiled, even though he looked suspicious.

"No way? Really?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." She shook her head. He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, come on. Is it serious?"

"It's still…well, it's undefined." She looked at him. "God, you're perceptive. Even Von picked something up."

Vincent was immediately curious.

"Von? Wait, you're hardly friends with the woman. Why would she know anything?"

Charlotte took a breath, feeling the impending indigestion from dinner.

"She's a close friend… of the woman I'm seeing."

"What? Who?"

"Well," She shrugged. "Terri. It's Terri."

Vincent all but pushed his way off the table. He stood, not certain of what to do with his arms, he crossed them and let them drop to his side.

"Terri Sullivan? _Terri_?"

Charlotte sighed, and threw her napkin onto her plate.

"Calm down, Vincent."

"I am calm." He was stumbling over the words. "But Terri? You can't be serious."

Charlotte looked around for the waiter, knowing she didn't at all feel like sticking around for desert.

Terri hated the silent treatment. Charlotte was amazingly vocal at work, when something bothered her. When Frank stepped on her toes. When Jess managed to act idiotic, telling random patients everyone's life story.

Charlotte put them in their place.

But when Terri managed to piss her off, she'd have to work like a dog trying to figure out how. Don't even think about just asking. Charlotte didn't operate that way.

It had to be Vincent. Charlotte's nasty mood had materialised after she'd had dinner with him. And now he and Charlotte were down to simple civilities at work. Medical jargon. Surgical consults. It may as well have been written in the rosters. They were doctors, not friends. Terri watched Charlotte glare at him. She pulled back, but it was easy to overhear them talking.

"No, alright? Get stuffed."

"Charlotte-"

"I don't give a shit."

Charlotte stalked past Terri, without looking at her. The automatic doors shuddered open and closed. Terri sighed. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, and followed Charlotte to the bench where she ate her lunch.

Charlotte gave her a look. "What?"

"You've been acting strangely all week."

Charlotte glared at Terri's comment. Then her face fell.

"It's nothing."

Terri sat next to her, grabbing half of Charlotte's sandwich. She took a bite, as Charlotte pretended nothing was bothering her.

"I thought you didn't like tuna," Charlotte muttered.

"I like the way you make it."

Charlotte sighed, and took hold of Terri's hand, tenderly. Terri searched her face.

"What happened?"

"Nothing-"

Terri gave her a look.

"With Vincent. Tell me- what the hell happened?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes, and stood up.

"What does it look like? The bastard pissed me off."

Terri groaned. "God. You really are impossible."

"_This_ is impossible. Do you wanna keep it down?"

Charlotte took a quick look at the hospital grounds around them. A patient on crutches slowed down long enough to give them a dirty look.

Terri's annoyance level rose.

"That's right. We can't have everyone finding out you're a lesbian. The shock might kill them."

"Jeez, you're irritating when you're sarcastic."

"Well, then we're both irritating."

Charlotte snatched up her lunch, and stormed off.

Terri shook her head. She couldn't win. This woman was completely frustrating. She got up, throwing the uneaten sandwich remnants into the bushes.

She waited for Charlotte to finish her shift, wishing she hadn't arrived in Charlotte's car. She wanted to by-pass this, and be home already. Her shoes bit into her, and her legs ached from being on her feet all day. Even the heat of the afternoon sun was draining away what little energy she had left. She watched Vincent stride out of the doors to Emergency. For a second, his expression registered her presence, before he looked away, awkwardly. Terri found herself glaring at him, lazily.

Charlotte emerged, a little after he did.

She looked around, nervously, before pulling Terri into her car.

"Charlotte-"

"Shhhhh."

Charlotte kissed her, lightly. Terri pulled back, feeling annoyed.

"You're not going to do this."

Charlotte sat back a little, looking hurt.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me, and pretend I'm not mad at you."

Charlotte narrowed her eyes.

"Mad? You never said you were-"

"Charlotte."

Charlotte sighed, starting the car up. She tapped her fingers irritably on the steering wheel.

"Everything shits you. I kiss you, it shits you. I don't kiss you, you glare at me all through dinner. God - it was a public restaurant."

"I'm not still angry about last week," Terri lied, watching the street blur outside her window. She let out a heavy breath.

"Vincent," Charlotte nodded, looking tired. "You really wanna know what he did?"

"I want to know."

Charlotte took a breath, clearly doing her best to focus solely on the road.

"He told me to dump you."

"What?"

Terri wasn't sure she'd heard correctly.

"He said, you were just like…well, Bron…he's worried about me."

Terri noticed the catch in Charlotte's voice.

"You _told_ him?" Terri stuttered. "I mean…you said we were…"

First it seemed like the woman didn't care enough to see Terri outside of her flat, and now, random ex-husbands were on the announcement list? She wasn't quite believing this.

Charlotte was staring insistently at the stoplight, waiting for it to change.

"Look Terri, it doesn't matter now."

"But you're not talking to him."

Charlotte tried to smile.

"He means well, but he was still an arsehole. Acted like you were the bloody Queen Mother, or something."

Her face looked drawn, it constricted through the effort of trying not to cry. Terri leant forward and flicked the indicator on.

"Pull over, Charlotte."

Charlotte sniffed, turning the wheel.

"Shit, I hate it when you do that."

Terri watched her, as she shut the car engine off. Charlotte's face collapsed in tears. Terri tried to pull her body towards her, but Charlotte resisted.

"No, I'm fine," she muttered, trying to smear the tears away. Terri sighed.

"You're hardly fine."

"Don't, ok?" Charlotte had managed to slow her breathing down. "It's just…I fucking hate fighting with him. Especially when he's right."

Terri's heart stopped.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Charlotte looked at her.

"No…not you. I mean..."

Terri looked away.

"Vincent," she muttered. "God. Sometimes I feel like I should be having a relationship with _him_."

Charlotte glared, her tears starting up again. "Will you let me finish at least?"

Terri sighed, and nodded.

"Fine…"

"I'm just a little messed up. Jesus. This isn't easy."

Terri couldn't help but feel a sense of impending doom.

"Please..." She shook her head. "Don't say this is about Bron."

"What? Why the hell not?" Charlotte snapped, still glaring. "Isn't it good for you to know, why your girlfriend's so fucked-up?"

_Girlfriend_. Terri felt the word ricochet back and forth over her body. But wherever she looked, there was Bron. She felt shaky. It was irrational, to be this jealous.

"Are you in love with her?" The words escaped her before she could stop them.

"Shit."

"You are, aren't you?'

Charlotte closed her eyes. "I _was_. I don't know…"

Terri felt her body go limp. She made herself focus on the sounds of the traffic grinding past. On the ticking sound of the indicator. Anything but the sharp pain inside of her.

"Right," she nodded, as if it all made sense now. "Vincent thinks I'm like her?"

Her voice came out cold.

Charlotte wiped at the make-up, collecting under her eyes.

"Only because you're straight."

"I'm not _straight_." She glared at Charlotte. "You're the one who can't stand to kiss me in public."

"Terri…"

"I can't believe you're comparing me to Bron."

"I never said you were like Bron. Ok? I know you don't hate me."

"She doesn't _hate_ you." Terri let out a breath. She closed her eyes, as if doing so would make this revelation a little less painful. "And she's certainly not straight."

Charlotte did a double take.

"She's what?"

Terri immediately regretted this decision. But Charlotte had the right to know, didn't she?

Terri addressed the windscreen, when she talked.

"She left Ben. She was in love with you."

Charlotte pushed herself back from Terri. She screwed up her face.

"How the fuck can you possibly know that?"

"We write, on and off." She paused. "Look, Charlotte-"

"No, don't even try and tell me," Charlotte's face looked pale. "What the hell? You _write_?"

She glared at Terri.

"My God. You _knew_ this, and you never fucking told me."

"Charlotte…"

"How long?"

"Please," Terri said, reaching out for her. Charlotte shook her head.

"Come on. How long have you been lying to me?"

"You're acting like I'm trying to keep you apart." Terri said, exasperated.

"Just tell me."

Terri gritted her teeth.

"It was before you and Addy got together. And she didn't _want_ to see you." Terri had to look away. Her insides hurt.

"As far as I'm concerned, you deserve each other."

She felt Charlotte's hand, on her shoulder. She shrugged it away, hostilely.

"Her Melbourne address is in my address book, at your place."

"Melbourne?" Charlotte's voice had a broken edge to it.

"After you copy it out, you can leave it with Von or someone at work."

She wouldn't cry. She refused to give Charlotte the satisfaction.

"Terri, please…"

"Drop me home."

"No, look. I'm sorry."

Terri leant over her, and started the car. Charlotte let out a ragged breath and put it into gear. Terri knew Charlotte was crying, without even having to look at her.


	3. Chapter 3

Terri was ignoring her. That much was obvious. Work provided an outlet for the misery-wallowing she was prone to. Charlotte let herself be absorbed by all the minute and complex intricacies of Emergency Medicine.

They avoided each other, but in a different way than previously had. Charlotte felt like she was being ripped out of her skin, when they accidentally met each other's eyes. Terri's non-expression. Mostly, she saw Vincent a hell of a lot more. He seemed to have mellowed in the two weeks that passed. Two weeks, since the fight. Two weeks without being anywhere near Terri. Now everything around her seemed as rough as a shell, layers and layers crafted into a new Terri she couldn't touch.

Dinners with Vincent.

He seemed to be attempting to undo the damage.

"How are things with you and Terri?"

She shrugged, playing the same game he had with Grace.

"I don't want to talk about it with you. Just drop it. Ok?'

Not that there was anything to talk about.

Although, according to some of the gossip making it's way around the E.D, that was a different story.

Charlotte didn't know how their relationship had become common gossip fodder. It wasn't Frank. Vincent would never do such a thing. Would Terri? It did the rounds. It felt like a really stupid person. It didn't even seem to notice that Terri and Charlotte weren't even speaking to each other anymore, much less sharing a bed.

"Well, I think it's unprofessional, dating someone you work with."

It was in the middle of the ward.

Jessica Singleton could always be relied upon to have an opinion on anyone's personal life.

"How can you say that?" Dan said back, amiably. "You're dating an ambo."

"Oh please, Dan. It isn't the same thing."

"I say good for Terri. I mean, if it's even true. I'm not sure I can believe that of her."

"Well, how were we to know if she was a lesbian?" Jess interjected.

Dan turned to the paramedic, who had just finished transporting a patient in. She'd heard the conversation, but was pretending she hadn't.

"Cate. What do you think?"

Cate shrugged. When she realised she was unable to avoid replying, she sighed.

"I think it's a rumour. And even if it isn't, it's none of our business."

She walked away. Jess sighed, and rolled her eyes at Cate's back.

Von eyed her warily, before walking off.

"Drop it."

Jess pulled a face, turning back to Dan.

"And anyway, I bet I know why you're so approving. You're such a guy."

He shrugged and smiled. "What? I like the idea of two women together."

"Gross. You're disgusting, Dan."

Charlotte always made sure she walked into the area, when they were still mid-sentence. Just so she could see the horrified expression on Jess's face, when she realised Charlotte had heard it all.

"Do you have a problem Jess?"

Jess would mumble or mutter or shake her head, as if unable to remember proper motor functions.

"Good." Charlotte would say sharply. "Get back to work."

It made her feel better to have someone to be furious at, even though Jess was an easy target.

Anything to stop her hating Terri. It ripped her up inside, seeing Terri Sullivan deal with all that gossip. And for what? For her? It would have to be hard, nurses whispering 'lesbian' as she walked past with her patient charts. But Terri, as always, was full of surprises. She only glared at them, the same as Charlotte did. And basically, she told them where to go. Charlotte could only smile when she encountered these moments, before trying to quickly hide that she'd been listening.

Solitary lunchbreaks were the thing, these days. Charlotte sat on a bench outside, in the hospital grounds. A few pathetic plants and too much cement, and they have the audacity to call it a garden. For some reason, Nelson sat next to her. She tried to smile casually, at his serious expression.

"Well, I'll assume you've heard the rumours, then?"

"Everyone has."

He looked angry. It was nice to know that there were a few people up for defending Terri. Baffling though, that being thought of as a lesbian was the worst kind of insult.

"Of course, you don't believe them?" she questioned.

He huffed.

"Oh, God no. Total rubbish. I've known her for long enough."

Charlotte gave him a look, because he was staring at her in an insinuating way.

"Yes, Nelson?"

"This isn't fair to her," he glared.

"What?"

"All this gossip. You know that, don't you?"

"What the hell? Well, how do _you_ explain these rumours?" Charlotte challenged.

"I think you're in love with her, Charlotte," he said it slowly. Not unkindly. "I just wish you wouldn't, I dunno, drag her into this."

Charlotte seethed.

"Nelson. Christ. Would you lay off?" She glared. He looked so goddamn cocky.

"For your information, Terri is- " She stumbled. "Well, was."

Was what? Her lover? Partner?

"My girlfriend." She shrugged. Nelson's eyes darted to her. Not quiet believing.

She shot him a look.

"Oh, don't get all excited. It's not like we're still together. She's in a shit with me. We aren't even talking."

Nelson reacted to her shaky voice.

"Charlotte, I'm sorry." He shook his head. "You're serious?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes, and took a deep sip of her coffee.

"God," he breathed, taking it in.

"Yeah. I really screwed this one up. Last time I let a straight chick seduce me."

He let out a laugh, almost in relief.

"Well, at least now I know why she goes weird whenever we talk about you."

Charlotte looked at him.

"What? She talks about me?"

He shrugged.

"She just asks after you. Constantly. How I think you're doing. Whether or not you seem tired, or upset."

Charlotte sighed. "I'd think she'd hate me, after all this."

Charlotte allowed herself to be distracted by other people's problems. Vincent worried her. She had to leave it open during conversations, spaces and silences for him to spill it. She waited for reasons for his behaviour. The way his expression contorted, avoiding her inquiring looks. Then she made the discovery that they had the same night off.

"We're going out this week," she informed him. "Like _out_ out."

"What?"

"_Nightclub_ out. You know, Vin. The place with all the alcohol?"

"Charlotte, please."

His protests were half-hearted. Nothing she couldn't bat away.

She thought maybe the night out would help her get Terri out of her head. Avoiding someone all day at work for three weeks or so was more tiring than actually fighting with them.

She had too high expectations. A straight bar and Vincent stewing in his misery, but trying to conceal it. Still, she tried to be optimistic. At least she was away from work. Even fighting off come-ons from guys left her amused, rather than irritated.

"I'm gay." She grinned. You'd think she'd get sick using it like a punchline.

Vincent was in a sombre mood. He seemed to have spotted someone in the bar who was making him twitchy. His expression followed their movements.

"It's Beth Chandler."

"It's who?"

No dancing. A lot of laughs he was. Half the time, he refused to even move from his seat. His hands made his drink sweat through the glass. He may as well have been sitting in a chair, at home. When the accident happened, he almost seemed relieved. He could default back to 'doctor.' Nice and professional. And safe. It was just some bar fight. Not a nice injury, though. Charlotte watched Vincent's eyes dart to a woman in the gathering crowed. She suppressed a sigh, turning her full attention to the patient, sprawled on the dance floor.

After forsaking the night off, they headed back to Vincent's place. Charlotte did a quick search of his kitchen cupboards, and liberated the most expensive-looking wine.

"We need this after tonight," she said slyly. He smiled, like the sheer act of trying to look happy was worse than a chore.

When they sat back in his living room, he told her about Beth. And suddenly she realised how desperately they'd be needing that drink. Not a short conversation.

He struggled to find the words.

"It just _happened_."

"So….she's what? _Stalking_ you?"

They both had dark circles under their eyes the next morning. Work was always interesting on limited sleep.

Terri approached her, during lunchbreak. Outside. Charlotte and her new best friend, the bench. She wished she'd managed a few more hours of bed rest. Vincent's tragic life was still hurting her brain.

"Everyone knows," Terri shrugged, sitting next to her.

Charlotte managed to contain her bewildered look, before sighing.

"Yeah, I know. Bloody obvious." She risked giving Terri a mischievous look. "I think Jess and Dan even have a bet going on us."

She was surprised when Terri laughed.

They were silent for a moment. Charlotte wondered if this meant they were actually on speaking terms again, but she couldn't catch Terri's eye.

"She's coming to Sydney, you know."

Charlotte pulled a face.

"Who?"

"_Who_. Bron. Next week. New job. Different hospital, thank God."

"Bron?"

"I thought you'd like to know. She mentioned it in her last letter."

Terri shrugged, but she didn't look at all calm. Her voice sounded hollow.

"Terri?"

"I expect she's finally going to bite the bullet. Profess undying love for you." Terri sighed. "Or something."

Charlotte took hold of Terri's hands, she didn't care who saw her at this point. She waited for Terri to look at her.

"Did you tell her, Terri?" Terri gave her a look, so Charlotte hissed out a breath. "About us. Did you tell her?"

Terri glared. "God, and what would I say, Charlotte? I mean, what exactly is this?" She muttered. "Me, chasing after you like some idiot? You should have told me, about Bron. That you were still so bloody in love with her."

Charlotte groaned. "Christ. Not this again. I don't wanna call Bron. Can we have a conversation that doesn't involve her, for once?"

Terri stood up.

"You aren't doing a good job of denying it."

Charlotte tried to follow her. Terri shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Charlotte." Then she smiled, for some reason. "About spreading the rumours. I don't know why I did it."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"It wasn't on purpose. Initially." She shrugged. "I guess I was angry at you. I mean, it kind of slipped out. And I just sort of, decided….not to deny it."

She let out an abrupt laugh at Charlotte's expression, before looking away uncomfortably, and walking back into Emergency.

It was Bron who called her.

After a brief and clumsy conversation, Charlotte agreed to a dinner date. _Date_. No, god. That wasn't what it was. She tried not to think about what it meant. She tried not to think.

It felt like the same Italian restaurant she'd gone to with Vincent. She could imagine the indigestion already.

Bron was wearing a plain outfit. Self-consciously casual. She gave Charlotte a hesitant smile.

"God," she shook her head. "I can't believe you came."

She'd dyed her hair a tinge of red. It was longer. Two or so years older. But she was still Bron. Charlotte tried not to stare at her too intently. But she found herself leaning in. Bron exhaled a nervous breath, as Charlotte kissed her. The moment was short, easily dismissed as a quick nip between friends. But Bron had that glazed look, the kind of smile that Charlotte had only seen when they'd gotten drunk together.

Charlotte swallowed and looked away, kicking herself.

_Well, that was brilliant._

They were led towards an out-of-the-way table.

"Good to see you," Bron managed, meeting her eyes.

And suddenly, the intimacy level plummeted. They said all the expected little phrases. How have you been? Gee, it's been a while, hasn't it? Was the flight tiring? No, I guess it isn't a very long way. All the fluff that doesn't really mean anything. It lasted through most of the meal.

Charlotte wasn't sure if she was anxious or bored.

She hesitated, letting herself look at Bron properly. For once, she was going to be confrontational.

"Terri," she paused clumsily, over the name. "She told me you left him."

Bron closed her eyes.

"Bloody Terri."

"Yeah, bloody Terri. I don't know why she kept your secret, Bron." Charlotte said, slowly. "But you must have been damn convincing."

Bron looked at her.

"Charlotte…I'm not sure what to say. I don't have a bloody clue." She laughed nervously. "God. She seemed kinda pissed at me in her last letter. What else did she tell you?"

"She said…." Charlotte sighed, not looking at her. _Come on, out with it._

She'd wanted this. How many times had she imagined the possibility? She'd become an insomniac over of it. Night after night, running their conversations over and over in her head. Their dead friendship. Or undead romance. Nothing romance.

She remembered it like a movie, now. The way Bron looked so surprised, when Charlotte pushed her to the bed, kissing her neck. (And then how she'd laughed, like she finally got the joke.) The way Bron smiled, peeling her clothing off layer by layer, oddly graceful for someone who was meant to be drunk.

_We were just drunk, ok?_

Whatever you reckon. We should all retain our reflexes so damn well. There'd be less drunk-drivers, veering off the side of the road.

Charlotte had never stopped thinking about it. She just kept torturing herself and her stupid fucking heart.

And now it was true.

It was true. It could be true. And she couldn't believe it didn't mean the same thing anymore.

"Charlotte, are you ok?"

Charlotte took in a deep breath.

"Bron, Terri…well, she said you loved me. Or _did_ love me. _Used_ to love me..."

She wished she could stop herself from stumbling over the words. It was hard enough saying both of their names in the same sentence, like it was the most natural thing.

Bron's expression melted to shock.

"I'm going to kill her."

"Not before I do." She looked at her intently. "Bron-"

"Yeah, I know, Charlotte. I know-I know." Bron was shaking her head. "I'm a shitheel."

"You're not a shitheel."

"I bloody am. You don't need to be so nice about this."

"You're a noodle."

Bron looked at her, smiling pleadingly.

"Please. Shit. I'm trying to make a confession here. I mean, I was such a bloody coward."

"No you're not, you-" Charlotte hesitated, trying to keep her breathing steady.

Shit.

Charlotte made herself say the words. "So Terri was telling the truth then?"

So many parts of her ached. She shouldn't have come. She shouldn't be thinking about this, and thinking about Terri, and hurting over them both. Maybe the trick was to see who hurt her the most? Or was 'love' the person who tortured you the least? Maybe Charlotte really knew nothing about anything.

Bron's eyes searched hers, she took hold of Charlotte's hands.

"Charlotte, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I know I've screwed you around. So much..."

Charlotte tried to steer the conversation away.

"How did you…leave him?"

Bron sighed. "Ben?" she closed her eyes.

"I mean, what did you tell him?"

Bron smiled without her eyes. Charlotte had forgotten how she did that, smiling just to smile. Even when she twisted inside, with those messy 'real' feelings. The two of them were so alike.

"First time I came out to anyone. God, I thought it would kill me. You know? I'm just glad there weren't any kids."

She tried to gage Charlotte's expression.

"Why aren't you getting angry? Throwing plates? Please, anything. Charlotte. Don't be quiet. Don't be _nice_."

Charlotte smiled. Her stomach buzzed, feeling Bron's eyes on her. God. The way that woman was looking at her.

"It's been over two years." She said it softly, to remind herself. To remind them both.

Bron's face fell. "I know."

Charlotte bit her lip. She hated this.

"I'm kind of….God. You wouldn't believe it." She shook her head. "I'm kind of in a complicated, well… relationship. I think I might be in love with her."

She rolled her eyes, realising it was true.

God. It was true.

"It's bloody crazy." She tried to joke. But her voice came out, sounding choked.

There wasn't a word for the way Bron looked then. Charlotte only saw it cross over her face. Something cold, not exactly angry. It slipped away, as she composed herself. Charlotte watched her squeeze her eyes shut. Then Bron nodded, leaning back in her seat. She held a hand to her face.

"Bron, I'm sorry." She sighed. "Please, I'm so sorry."

"Hey no," Bron's voice was scratchy. "I suspected as much. I mean…I went off and married. Doesn't make it seem like I'm pining after someone." She managed a smile. That empty bloody smile. Their eyes met.

Bron held her gaze.

"You're still fucking stunning. By the way."

Charlotte gasped, unable to stop herself. She swallowed.

"So are you."

They paid the bill, and Charlotte walked Bron to her car.

Bron turned to her.

"Is she…" She shook her head. "I shouldn't ask. I just hope she isn't, well-"

"Another straight girl?" Charlotte smiled, ruefully. "Yeah. She is."

Bron braved a mock-glare.

"You still think I'm straight?"

"Hardly seems a fair assumption, anymore." Charlotte sighed. "Bron. I wish…"

"No, don't."

"If you'd _called_. If you gave me any bloody indication."

Bron closed her eyes.

"No. It doesn't matter. I'm not doing this shit again," she took out her car keys, her hands shaking a little. "You're seeing someone."

"The straight girl."

Bron smiled, leaning against the car.

"So what's your straight girl like, then?"

Charlotte took a breath, taking in the smell of petrol fumes and car exhaust. She stared at the sky.

"Seriously?"

Bron nodded. Charlotte sighed, trying to find words that would fit Terri. She wasn't like anyone.

"She's so….unpredictable. She outed herself by spreading gossip at work. No clue why. Pretended it was these two idiot nurses. She flirts non-stop. In public. Even when we're fighting. "

"She sounds like you."

Charlotte laughed. "I guess."

Bron looked at her. "At work? You mean Emergency?" She shook her head. "Terri didn't say anything. I guess she isn't too perceptive."

Charlotte let out a laugh. Bron stared at her. Great. Now she had to say something.

"I doubt Terri's been giving you very good advice, lately. She's furious at me."

Bron shook her head. But then her lips twitched into a smile.

"Shit……and she thinks we're?…Oh shit." She looked at her. "She must bloody hate me." She laughed. "_Terri's_ a lesbian?" She searched Charlotte's face, to make sure she was serious.

"I didn't say _lesbian_."

"Well, whatever-"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you Bron?"

Bron was smiling.

"Small comforts." She shook her head. "God, and I bet it took her, to make all the moves?"

Charlotte nodded.

"Typical." Bron tilted her head "How long for?"

"Only about four months."

Bron took it in. Charlotte couldn't tell if she was about to smile, or burst into tears.

"God. Terri. The entire department?" Bron seemed impressed. "_Everyone_. Just like that?"

"I dunno. I guess. She's barely talking to me as it is. I think she did it to piss me off."

Bron shook her head.

"Shit, I wish I was more vindictive." She stared at Charlotte, her eyes filled with something that caused Charlotte's breath to falter.

"I can't believe _I'm_ giving you advice. For chrissake. Charlotte, just have a good think about this."

"Bron, I didn't ask for any bloody advice."

Bron sighed, running her hands through her hair. She looked tired, suddenly.

"You're a shithead."

"I'm a what?"

"Why the hell would this woman out herself just to annoy you? I'm sure you'll clue into it soon."

And with that Bron shook her head. Smiling tiredly, she got into her car.

Charlotte cornered Terri after work. She was walking out of Emergency, with her eyes downcast.

"I get the feeling you want some kind of horrible, public scene."

Then Charlotte noticed all the staff members, exiting out of the doors behind her. She hesitated. Terri took in her expression.

"No. Charlotte, I'm over this rubbish." She tried to brush past.

"You do, don't you?

"Just - look…I don't know what I want," she said, bitterly. "I had no idea what I was getting myself into."

Charlotte persisted, ignoring the feeling of dread. Public bloody scene.

"Give me a break."

Terri glared at her, her face revealing too much.

"You had dinner with her. Or you saw a movie. Or maybe it was a picnic? Terrible weather for it." She stared at Charlotte, lowering her voice to a hiss. "Is she good fuck, Charlotte? Is she better than me?"

"_What_?"

"Go home. Just stay away from me."

Charlotte didn't know what to do with herself. Terri was actually crying, now. Her shoulders shook from the sobs.

Charlotte hesitated, then she closed the distance between them. Terri's face flooded with confusion, before Charlotte pulled her into the kiss. Brushing her hands through Terri's hair, she ran kisses down her neck. Her skin tasted like tears. Terri kissed back, pulling Charlotte close. Her grip would probably leave bruises. She always held Charlotte so tightly, like she was afraid she'd disappear right in front of her. Charlotte slowly disentangled herself; she wrapped her arms around her.

Terri didn't look like she would ever stop smiling.

"Charlotte?"

She knew half the people in the car park were watching. She didn't care.

They found their way to Charlotte's house, falling into old habits, before they could stop themselves. Terri had Charlotte's top off quickly. Kissing her everywhere. Her lips were hot and forceful. Her hands grasped Charlotte's breasts. It was like their bodies had no memory of being apart. This wouldn't solve anything. Charlotte breathed, managing to pull herself away.

She began to put her bra back on.

"What are you doing?" Terri gasped.

Charlotte looked at her. "I don't want to just…use you. Don't…"

She felt Terri's hands run along her back.

"I want you…"

"You don't have to…"

Terri met her eyes. Then she sighed and slid off the couch. She reached for her jacket. Her keys. Charlotte had no idea what to do with Terri's expression.

"You and Bron…"

"Terri, I just had dinner with her." This was getting ridiculous. "You think I'd actually do something like that to you?"

"It isn't cheating, if this isn't a relationship." Terri challenged, forcing an arm into her coat, angrily. "If we're just messing around here. I mean, isn't that what you want?"

Charlotte held a hand to her face, realising how tired she was of this.

"Shit. Do you want it, Terri?"

"I missed you." Terri looked at her. Her eyes fell. "Look, I've been going crazy."

"You came out to the entire department. " Charlotte didn't trust that these words weren't somehow a lie. "I mean, you actually…you just-"

"I didn't want you forgetting about me so easily."

Terri glared at her, suddenly bold. No, she was furious. Her eyes flashed. Charlotte realised how little she understood this woman.

"Terri?"

"I didn't want you to have a nice clean break. You were so good at hiding me."

Charlotte stood up, crossing her arms.

"Hiding? I was trying to protect you."

"Oh? From the big scary gay rumours?" Terri threw her keys down again. The violence in the action surprised Charlotte. Terri was shaking her head, like she couldn't believe the idiocy she was witnessing.

"Charlotte, do you think I'm oblivious? What, did you suppose I kept forgetting I'd fallen in love with a woman?"

The room seemed a little warmer, all of a sudden. Charlotte couldn't speak. She saw Terri close her eyes, regretting her last few words.

"Terri," Charlotte took hold of her arm, feeling the sheen of nervous sweat on Terri's skin. "Why didn't you talk to me, tell me it bothered you?"

Terri's eyes were dark, she shook her head.

"For all I know, I was a one-night stand. A mistake, and you were just keeping me around for…God, I don't know what."

She looked so vulnerable there. Her coat half-on, her voice small. Charlotte wanted to scoop her up and hold her.

This woman actually loved her.

She didn't trust her own voice anymore. When Charlotte didn't reply straight away, Terri pulled back irritably.

"Well, you obviously still have feelings for her."

Charlotte had to think for a second.

"What? Bron?"

How could she have forgotten Bron? Her eyes traced Terri's face, bewilderedly.

"You're jealous."

Terri pulled her jacket on properly. She looked away.

"I can't believe I'm making such a fool of myself." She wrapped her arms around herself, protectively. "What were you even doing with me, Charlotte?"

Charlotte wanted to hold her, so badly. Wanted to kiss her.

"Terri?"

When she reached out, Terri brushed her away. Charlotte threw her hands up.

"Oh for fuckssake….I'm in love with you." She muttered. Then she let out a breath, marvelling at how irritated she sounded.

"Jesus, that was romantic. Sometimes you can be so idiotic."

"I am not idiotic." Terri glared. "Oh, for goodness sake, just stop acting like you're the _real_ lesbian. I mean obviously you're sleeping with _someone_."

"I don't act like– _what_?"

"Stop acting like you're having this relationship all by yourself. It doesn't make you brave, Charlotte. Honestly, I can't – look, you aren't even looking at me."

"That's because I can't believe you just said that." Charlotte gaped. "Where the hell did this come from?"

But suddenly Terri had run out of things to say.

"Wait. You...love me?"

"Yes, I did say that," Charlotte muttered, falling back onto the couch irritably.

"I didn't…." Terri didn't seem able to form a sentence. "God."

They both gaped at each other, the awkwardness settling in on them. Until Terri laughed.

"Well, aren't we the picture domestic bliss?"

"Oh yeah. A lesbian bloody postcard."

Terri rolled her eyes, as Charlotte pulled her close, kissing her forehead. Charlotte's mouth twitched into a smile.

"I can't believe what a shithead I've been. Did you think…"

She shook her head.

"How could you think I'd just…I mean, you had no idea I actually gave a shit?"

Terri couldn't help smiling. "That's one way of putting it." Then she looked around the room curiously. "Hang on…I can't believe it. You bought new curtains? We've only been broken up for a few weeks."

"You're a good influence. Next thing you know, I'll be putting bloody lace doilies on the bedside tables."

Terri mock-glared.

"Alright, very funny. You know they're antiques. Wedding presents. I can't very well chuck them out….And actually," She tilted her head up. "I think you even gave me some of them."

Charlotte smiled, not sure if she was even meant to be smiling. She still wasn't comfortable, joking about things like this. Terri's wedding. Mitch. Her co-worker. Her rival. No, not a rival. Have some bloody respect. He was dead, after all. And she wasn't. He was the love of Terri's life. She'd just have to settle for being _a_ love.

It was good enough, for the moment.

Terri held her face. "What are you thinking about?" She caressed her cheek. Charlotte closed her eyes, as Terri kissed her softly.

When they parted, Charlotte cupped Terri's face with her hands.

"I can't believe this is us."

Terri raised her eyebrow, slightly. "Who would've thought... Are we…an _us_?"

Charlotte's mouth twitched in amusement. It always surprised her, when Terri managed to sound that innocent.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we are."

"Please say you _want_ to be."

Charlotte kissed her slowly. Then she tilted her head at Terri's glazed expression.

"You never thought I was the marrying type, did you?"

Terri let out a relieved little laugh, swallowing the tension that had been building in her throat.

"No. I didn't think that."

She pulled back, trailing her hand down Charlotte's arm. Charlotte wished she could know what was going through Terri's mind.

Terri just smiled, her eyes flashing amusement.

"So it's settled? We'll both stop being childish."

"Grown-ups." Charlotte felt her heart speed up. "Agreed."

Terri led her down the hallway, pausing at the bedroom door, to kiss her. They fell asleep, in Charlotte's familiar bed. Curled up together.

It wasn't always easy. Work and home. Mornings. Evenings. Dinners. Paperwork. Oh, the ingredients of life.

Terri still hadn't told her family. Her mother. Or her sister. But they didn't exactly gather around the tree at Christmas, or call each other up to swap recipes. They didn't talk.

And she wasn't sure how to initiate the revelation. Balancing stilted small-talk with, "I know it's a sin, but…"

It wasn't worth the pain it would cause her. Or Charlotte.

Still, she had to say something eventually. She would.

Sophia made up for the gap left by Terri's family. She invited them both to dinner every couple of weeks. It gave Terri a buzz, 'meeting' Charlotte's sister. Being introduced to her, all over again.

"This is Terri, my partner."

As if she was an entirely different person.

Sophia always made them stay for desert. Searching her sister's face for approval. Charlotte would mutter later, that Sophia was attempting to feed her to death, to make up for lost time.

"Buying my love with home-made deserts."

But Terri always caught her smiling, after they left.

Charlotte didn't seem to mind it.

Jack began talking to Terri again. Actual talking, not just sterile work banter. He'd even met someone new. Or said he had. Sometimes Terri wondered if he was bitter. She couldn't help it. She'd heard people mutter it, when they thought she was otherwise occupied. Terri Sullivan, _turning gay_ rather than being with him. Is that what Jack thought? Terri wasn't about to give him or anyone else a lecture on the complexities of sexuality. She tried to drop the word 'bisexual' as much as she could into conversation. Both relishing it and feeling guilty, as she saw him fidget. But he always made the effort to ask her,

"So, how is Charlotte?"

Even though he saw her at work all too frequently. Maybe her fears were just a little dose of paranoia.

Work. It was strange. Gossip fades and resurfaces, and fades again. Just when she thought it was over, Jess or somebody would start another rumour. But they were never malicious, and everyone else seemed to get their fair share of it. Gossip is like that. It doesn't change how you feel when you fall asleep at night, next to the woman you love. Whatever details they got wrong, she wasn't lying anymore. She didn't have any secrets.

Charlotte was one of those people who could drive you crazy in one moment, and turn you into a rose-petals-and-champagne romantic the second after. Certain things stopped mattering. She could do that to you. Make you want to call in sick for work, and figure out what you were missing, before you learnt what made her gasp. Or snicker. Before you figured her out. It made Terri's head spin.

When they bickered for the fourth time or so, about something mundane. Like dishes. Or blanket-hogging, she remembered what it had been like before. Not knowing all these little facts and stories, (like _why_ Charlotte could say 'where are my underpants?' in six languages). And all the other bits and pieces. The silly and important things, that tied them both together. Made them something different, then what they were separately.

It's funny. Sometimes, life just conspires to make you happy.

End.


End file.
